Crow Party of India launched, to fight elections

New Delhi. Taking a cue from the huge success of Rhinoceros Party of Canada, Pagal Patrakar, the Managing Editor of Faking News, has launched Crow Party of India, the latest political party of India.

Although the party name could be abbreviated to CPI, Pagal Patrakar has decided not to use this abbreviation as this could lead to confusion between Crow Party of India and Communist Party of India, causing supporters to vote for the wrong CPI in coming elections. Crow Party of India would be simply referred to as “Crow Party”.

Crow Party workers will be referred as cro(w)nies or cronies. Each crony will solemnly declare his or her steadfast support and submission to the motto of Crow Party that “crows everywhere are equally black”.

“We strongly believe in equality of everyone and crows were the best symbol to represent it. You can tell the difference between an Indian dog and a German dog, but I bet you can’t tell the difference between an Indian crow and a German crow. This makes sure that no crow is ever discriminated for his or her origins, and Crow Party believes in this policy.” Pagal Patrakar, the chief crony told.

Crow Party also released its manifesto for the General Elections 2009 and declared Pagal Patrakar as its prime ministerial candidate. ‘Fairness’ will be the key electoral issue of the Crow Party, promising every group in India a fair treatment. Some of the highlights of the election manifesto of Crow Party are as follows:

To declare Comic Sans MS as the official font of India.

To install a king size wax statue of a Crow over the Indian Parliament.

To create a new department for upkeep of the crow statue, especially shielding it from pigeon droppings.

To create a Terrorism Ministry where terrorists can directly interact for future attacks and negotiations.

To transfer J&K (Jammu and Kashmir) to USA on a 99 year lease.

To make various new States in rest of India and declare President’s rule in all of them.

To make Sheryl Crow the President of India.

To provide reservations in educational institutions and jobs on the basis of skin color.

To link all mountains of India by dumping all industrial waste in a series of hillock looking heaps.

To color Taj Mahal in crow black, the to-be-declared national color of India.

To provide speedy justice by having Courts on railways.

To have a national award for bribery (Red & Black Bribery Award).

To ban farting in public. Public places will have designated farting zones.

To penalize violators of Newton’s Laws with capital punishment.

To declare Darwin’s Theory of Evolution as being consistent with 20-20 Cricket rules.

To levy heavy taxes on people having slow strike rate in limited over Cricket.

To change the name of Pakistan to Mohenjo-Daro.

To declare keeping a pet crow compulsory for each Indian, those who express inability to do so will have to pay a monthly royalty to the Crow Party.

To write a personal article related to each Indian citizen in Wikipedia.

To allow voting by telepathy for busy professionals, housewives, and youth.

To allow merger and acquisitions in religions. People of one religion would also be able to buy or borrow gods or prophets from the other.

To donate a Swiss Card (Credit Card from Swiss Bank) to all jobless Indians. Their payment will be met from Indian accounts in Swiss Bank.

To declare April Fool’s day as national holiday and abolish all other holidays.

To imprison producer and directors making bad Bollywood movies for 25 years. Government will take over the Box Office.

To list Gandhiji’s spectacles and slippers on Wall Street for active trading after forcibly retrieving it from the current owner.

There are many other promises that have been made in the Crow Party manifesto, which claims that the party will change the shape of India forever and for good, if given a chance to serve the citizens.

“All these issues are very relevant and very vital for each Indian citizen and unfortunately no other political party has a comprehensive solution to any of these issues and problems. They only work to make these problems worse. Crow Party is the only alternative.” Pagal Patrakar made a strong pitch for the coming elections.

Crow Party would be soon soliciting candidature from willing cronies to fight elections from all Lok Sabha seats of the country. Willing people can offer their candidature as a reply to this report on Faking News as well. The party will simultaneously launch an aggressive campaign in major cities of India to promote Crow Party and its policies.

One of the initial campaigns of the Crow Party will be to distribute sensuous movies and literature among voters to titillate them. Pagal Patrakar denied that it was any cheap mean to attract attention.

“All the politicians are causing division in the society. People are dividing themselves along ethnic lines. By distributing sensuous works of art, we are pushing people towards multiplication instead of division.” Pagal justified the move.