Tuesday, March 24, 2009

What We Can , Yes You Can Too

Creating a (Crow)dible India

After years of research and slogging through the night we came up with this election campaign, as we at crow party believe that every crow has the right to stand up and express one’s opinion and crow fight is done to the core.

The keyword we emphasis is Crowndhi but we do not blow it over the board hence my party chose me as the Party President as I belonged to the general class who have been denied almost every kind of Reservations provided. So to woo the general category crows this was a unanimous decision.

Hence , no left only right is the rule and we will continue fighting like crows and yet stay together to make CROWDIBLE INDIA ..
These are the recommendations which has been passed by party consensus if we come to the power
We will insure that this is done within a year:

1) National Rural Crow employment guarantee scheme: this would not be for 100 days but it will have life time validity. The job profile would depend on the projects undertaken by the crow party.

2) As per Manika Crowndhi’s suggestion the use of CROW/Kauwa word in any films would be banned. More than this no crow would sacrifice his life for Kauwa Biryani.

3) Sarwa gyan abhiyan would be started to make people aware of the power within and what difference they could make to making this crowdible India.

4) On popular demand of fairer sex that is females we have proposed the Ban of word “Fair” from the matrimonial sections or any advertisements related to skin products.

5) With immediate effect all the crows who have been fired from the company would get free access to their company’s campus and would be allowed to make use of their shit anywhere, anytime and on anyone irrespective of caste creed or sex. Well Sex can be negotiated though depending on their dusky looks.

6) Crownlatine’s day should be celebrated on 14th July as this is the day when crows got their independence.On this day every crow will stand on one leg for a minute and stare in one direction without moving its head.

7) Tenders would be floated for crow museum, crow parks and of course crow spots and the best bidders would be given an opportunity.

8) We propose to remove all the slum dwellers from dharawi and move them to Bihar and all the people from Bihar would be flown officially to Mumbai. Same would be done between north and south so that it increases their adjustment skills. Hence no Slumdog will get to be a millionaire.

9) Crow’s planning commission has decided that we will not waste time in making 5 or 6 years plan but straight away make a strategy that will stick as long as it works. So that as in when needs arises we can change it immediately without looking left.

10) No subsidies would be given to farmers.

11) Crow’s image would be inscribed in all the Indian currencies.

12) All the traditional stories related to crow would be mandatory in schools.

13) Crow awas yojna would be initiated in which every household must have a spot reserved for Crows (crow house) so they don’t have to sit anywhere. The best part is the cost will be on the house owner so no expenses from the country’s fund.

14)Last but not the least we will insure that we do not make unnecessary use of Parliament hence we decided when crow Fight is over we will sit and meditate over here so that we can gear up for the next fight and it will definately not be live on any Crowsabha channel or kab tak.

These are the few indicators on which our party pledges to work.

Soon we will declare the Mascot, promoters and yes the theme song is under process. We have contacted some unemployed music directors to come up with ORIGINAL ideas and we will not pay for copyright as we are already giving them job.

(Any one further interested in joining the (crow)enomena can mail me at charkhadutt@gmail.com)

Friday, March 20, 2009

Welcome to Crow Party of India

This blog is to bring together all cronies of Crow Party of India with a mission to propagate the vision and mission of Crow Party.

All cronies i.e. members of this blog will express their views on ongoing political maneuverings of India by giving out unsolicited advices and solutions to all political, social and economic problems of India. We hope to make as much kaanw kaanw (noise) through blog posts here as they make in parliament.

As a crony, you should tell the Indian voters that what you would have done in the current political scenario. Tell the world how Crow Party would have solved the issues that the leaders of other political parties of India have not been able to. Let us prove ourselves worthy of forming a government in Delhi.

People willing to become cronies on this blog are advised to write a mail to editor@fakingnews.com with “Crow Party” mentioned in the subject line.

Cronies must stick to basic philosophy of the Crow Party i.e. crows everywhere are equally black. If they are found to deviate from this belief the chief crony might be forced to remove them from party membership.

Crow Party of India launched, to fight elections

Crow Party of IndiaNew Delhi. Taking a cue from the huge success of Rhinoceros Party of Canada, Pagal Patrakar, the Managing Editor of Faking News, has launched Crow Party of India, the latest political party of India.

Although the party name could be abbreviated to CPI, Pagal Patrakar has decided not to use this abbreviation as this could lead to confusion between Crow Party of India and Communist Party of India, causing supporters to vote for the wrong CPI in coming elections. Crow Party of India would be simply referred to as “Crow Party”.

Crow Party workers will be referred as cro(w)nies or cronies. Each crony will solemnly declare his or her steadfast support and submission to the motto of Crow Party that “crows everywhere are equally black”.

“We strongly believe in equality of everyone and crows were the best symbol to represent it. You can tell the difference between an Indian dog and a German dog, but I bet you can’t tell the difference between an Indian crow and a German crow. This makes sure that no crow is ever discriminated for his or her origins, and Crow Party believes in this policy.” Pagal Patrakar, the chief crony told.

Crow Party also released its manifesto for the General Elections 2009 and declared Pagal Patrakar as its prime ministerial candidate. ‘Fairness’ will be the key electoral issue of the Crow Party, promising every group in India a fair treatment. Some of the highlights of the election manifesto of Crow Party are as follows:

  • To declare Comic Sans MS as the official font of India.

  • To install a king size wax statue of a Crow over the Indian Parliament.

  • To create a new department for upkeep of the crow statue, especially shielding it from pigeon droppings.

  • To create a Terrorism Ministry where terrorists can directly interact for future attacks and negotiations.

  • To transfer J&K (Jammu and Kashmir) to USA on a 99 year lease.

  • To make various new States in rest of India and declare President’s rule in all of them.

  • To make Sheryl Crow the President of India.

  • To provide reservations in educational institutions and jobs on the basis of skin color.

  • To link all mountains of India by dumping all industrial waste in a series of hillock looking heaps.

  • To color Taj Mahal in crow black, the to-be-declared national color of India.

  • To provide speedy justice by having Courts on railways.

  • To have a national award for bribery (Red & Black Bribery Award).

  • To ban farting in public. Public places will have designated farting zones.

  • To penalize violators of Newton’s Laws with capital punishment.

  • To declare Darwin’s Theory of Evolution as being consistent with 20-20 Cricket rules.

  • To levy heavy taxes on people having slow strike rate in limited over Cricket.

  • To change the name of Pakistan to Mohenjo-Daro.

  • To declare keeping a pet crow compulsory for each Indian, those who express inability to do so will have to pay a monthly royalty to the Crow Party.

  • To write a personal article related to each Indian citizen in Wikipedia.

  • To allow voting by telepathy for busy professionals, housewives, and youth.

  • To allow merger and acquisitions in religions. People of one religion would also be able to buy or borrow gods or prophets from the other.

  • To donate a Swiss Card (Credit Card from Swiss Bank) to all jobless Indians. Their payment will be met from Indian accounts in Swiss Bank.

  • To declare April Fool’s day as national holiday and abolish all other holidays.

  • To imprison producer and directors making bad Bollywood movies for 25 years. Government will take over the Box Office.

  • To list Gandhiji’s spectacles and slippers on Wall Street for active trading after forcibly retrieving it from the current owner.
  • There are many other promises that have been made in the Crow Party manifesto, which claims that the party will change the shape of India forever and for good, if given a chance to serve the citizens.

    “All these issues are very relevant and very vital for each Indian citizen and unfortunately no other political party has a comprehensive solution to any of these issues and problems. They only work to make these problems worse. Crow Party is the only alternative.” Pagal Patrakar made a strong pitch for the coming elections.

    Crow Party would be soon soliciting candidature from willing cronies to fight elections from all Lok Sabha seats of the country. Willing people can offer their candidature as a reply to this report on Faking News as well. The party will simultaneously launch an aggressive campaign in major cities of India to promote Crow Party and its policies.

    One of the initial campaigns of the Crow Party will be to distribute sensuous movies and literature among voters to titillate them. Pagal Patrakar denied that it was any cheap mean to attract attention.

    “All the politicians are causing division in the society. People are dividing themselves along ethnic lines. By distributing sensuous works of art, we are pushing people towards multiplication instead of division.” Pagal justified the move.